Dealing with Grief

I traditionally use this space to journal in public. I have, over the years, posted a few personal notes. I wanted to capture, in the moment, my feelings so I could reflect on them after the fact. I recorded my Brother’s and Mother’s passing, my Father’s various health events, and my departure from different roles.

A year ago, Becky, my wife, passed away. I posted a quick note on Facebook but have otherwise not remarked on her passing publically. I won’t be doing so any time soon. I’m still processing my feelings (and will be for a while.) However, I did want to acknowledge the event – it seems insensitive not to reference her passing amongst my other life events. Bringing the news here is, in a sense, a step towards dealing with the grief.

I will pull my thoughts together for a while and, at some point, bring them here, but for now, this is all I can say (publically).

Paint It Black

Songs that can be covered across genres, flexible, powerful songs are fun to listen to regardless of how they are covered.  Some songs are powerful because they are best done raw, while others gain traction as they are covered in a more sophisticated manner.  I think this latest example falls into the second category.

Ford’s most recent commercial employs the iconic Rolling Stones Paint It Black.  

Ford’s most recent commercial employs the iconic Rolling Stones Paint It Black.  

The song is experiencing a bit of a resurgence – probably driven by the song being featured in the HBO series West World. The song has aged well, currently transitioning into an orchestral arrangement.

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The Last to Go

Like Heidi, Sugar, and Spicey before him, Toonces, an 18-year family member passed away this morning.  I was greeted by a grim-faced Becky after returning from running errands Saturday morning.  “I think we need to take Toonces to the vet,” she said euphemistically.  For the third time that day, he’d thrown up his food.  Unable to keep food down and generally uncomfortable, we both knew it was time.  The only time he seemed content anymore was when he was held, like an infant while swaying.  It was time.

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This post covers several purposes.  As I’ve done in the past, I need to mark major life events here.  I also need to get my thoughts out regarding all of the events that led to my Mother’s passing.

You’ll notice I’m not saying ‘want’ above.

This note is much longer, much more emotional than almost anything I’ve dropped here.  If you read this, please remember this is entirely therapeutic for me.  I don’t want to talk about this.  I’m glad if you get some value out of it – but I’m not posting here to engage in a conversation.

My short remembrance comes first in the section entitled In Conclusion.  After that, I’ve included notes I captured as I started taking care of Marjorie.  That longer section is entitled ‘Back to the Beginning.’  Please notice the entries were written in the present tense at the time the events occurred.  I have tried to clean it up over the past several months – but the notes still have that feel to them.

In Conclusion

My Mother died this past fall.  She passed away with a handful of us at her bedside – unaware we were there.  The end came suddenly.  I wish it had been less painful – but the ICU staff did what they could to make her comfortable. It’s ironic that someone who lived with hypertension, diabetes, chronic kidney disease and vascular dementia would die of a single tear in her duodenum. The bacteria and bile in her intestines leaked out into her bowels resulting in the infection of her blood.  It only took three days for her to die from sepsis. The day before her admission to the hospital, she and I had visited – and she’d been in good health.

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Almost 50 Years Later – Apollo 11

47 years ago, Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin stepped out of the Apollo 11 Lunar Module and onto the surface of the moon.  For the first time in human history, a man walked on the surface of a different celestial object (can’t really call the moon a planet can I?).  All of seven years old, I sat in front of our family’s tiny black and white tv watching the historic moment.

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Highpoint on Columbus Commons

Michelle successfully secured a design role with R.G. Barry in Columbus. We are really pleased for her and happy both kids now are employed in jobs they consider rewarding.  The company looks to be really progressive in their policies and is well thought of in the Columbus market.

She was hired on a Thursday and committed to starting six business days later (a Monday).  Finding a place to live quickly became a priority.  To her credit, Michelle found an apartment in downtown Columbus just 15 minutes from her employer.

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